Horny History: Lactating Men

It’s real history, as told by some horny dude in my inbox and me.

Oct 11, 2024

Today we are going to talk about lactating nipples. Not the kind that we’ve decided are too sexual to show. “Men’s nipples” was the winner of my last history topic raffle, and what are men’s nipples good for, besides to feed babies?

Can men lactate? I’m not a doctor or a scientist, but I do like history and it turns out there are a lot of lactating men in history.

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(As a reminder I do not know these men. They are messaging a satirical Facebook profile of me as a conservative.)

We didn’t quite make it out of there in time. That was a little pre-ejaculate and not from a man’s nipples. I wonder why he thought it was such a wonderful trait for a woman not to share the private messages he sends?

This next man was just asking to learn about lactation.

Modern men aren’t the only ones getting pissed off about the thought of men lactating. The British Medical Journal in 1884 recommended that in cases of male lactation, “the only treatment that will be of lasting benefit in all cases is the amputation of the offending breast or breast…. The enlarged male breasts are both a disfigurement, and an encumbrance.”

Despite their anger about it, lactation doesn’t make a man weak. Men that conservatives would likely think were strong lactated. After WWII many male prison camp survivors were observed to do so due to refeeding syndrome once they were provided with adequate nutrition again.

Our final man Ben will finish telling us about male lactation, and how to spell baloneeeee.

I went into this not really caring one way or the other if men lactated, but now I really think medical science should put all their effort into it and not just because it terrifies conservative men. On a serious note, I’d never advocate for forcing anyone to lactate who doesn’t want to. Breastfeeding though is a lot of work and it’s exhausting for mothers. If we could get to the point where fathers, or really anyone else, could easily lactate to help with this task, I don’t see how it couldn’t possibly be anything other than positive.

As an aside, this story only talks about cisgender men lactating mainly because it was relayed to me that transgender men already experience dysphoria from that topic, and I don’t care to contribute to that by making light of the topic.

Do you want to suggest a topic for me to talk about? You can participate in my next raffle!

Horny History Pay What You Can RAFFLE

Now through October 25th

This is a “pay what you can” style raffle. Here’s how it works:

♥️You choose the history topic you want me to tell a man about.

♥️Then PayPal, Cashapp or Venmo me any amount you choose, including your topic in the comments of your payment.

♥️I’ll put those in a list, pick a random number at the end of the raffle, and that topic wins.

Of course, if you are giving me a topic, know I’m going to tell it in my style. EX: If you give me a royal person from history, expect it won’t be written with praise.

May the random person I pick win.😝

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Sources:

Making Milk Mathilde Cohen, Yoriko Otomo

Woman: An Historical, Gynæcological and Anthropological Compendium

Office Endocrinology Robert Greenblatt

Curiosa Sexualis H.S. Gambers

Letters of Alexander von Humboldt

Male Breastfeeding: Examining the Possibilities Sally Melena

Inducing Lactation Colorado Surrogacy

Composition of Breast Fluid of a Man with Galactorrhea and Hyperprolactinaemia

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